It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
