Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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