Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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