dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
accomplished twins. life is a go
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
