Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
