I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
