Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
