dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Semen is not good for contacts.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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