his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
