What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
