whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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