ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
