Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
