ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
