I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
