i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
