He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
