Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
is it fun? or sober?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
