Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I could make wine with my vomit
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
