we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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