Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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