Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So vagazzling was a success
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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