Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
