Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
And my parents said I crawled through the house
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
