Where are you?
In a non slutty way
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
