My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
