You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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