i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
