Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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