i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Randomize
