oh god the rape fog is back!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
