This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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