What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
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