I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
