How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
