your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
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