first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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