i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
