arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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