y did u give ur computer a hand job?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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