i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i think im in europe. pls send help
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
