you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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