I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
