Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
