So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
