it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
