I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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