HIV tests are more positive than that guy
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize