Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
