I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just had sex on a roof
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
