Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Im part way to drunk.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
