I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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