Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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