why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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